WinnNotes

You are only a church if...

I saw something the other day that said you were only a church if you did a certain thing. I don't remember what it really said. But I do remember my response. I saw my response again last night or early this morning and thought I would share it.

• You are only a church if you preach from the KJV


• You are only a church if your KJV is leather bound and has
  gold leaf pages


• You are only a church if you use "the Message"


• You are only a church if you sing old songs from a hymnal


• You are only a church if you sing new songs that have no
  meaning


• You are only a church if you give a "tithe"


• You are only a church if you "let the Spirit" lead your
  giving


• You are only a church if you have a sanctuary


• You are only a church if you are not in a sanctuary but a
  school auditorium and have a sign that says church sanctuary


• You are only a church if you have a pulpit in the middle of
  the stage


• You are only a church if your pulpit is to the right or
  left of the center


• You are only a church if you have a pipe organ


• You are only a church if you have a Hammond organ


• You are only a church if you dress up like you are going to a
  funeral or wedding


• You are only a church if you don't dress up at all but look
  like a slob


• You are only a church if you have pews


• You are only a church if you have round tables and chairs


• You are only a church if you have a choir (in tune or out of
  tune)


• You are only a church if you have a contemporary band (in tune
  or out of tune)


• You are only a church if you have a committee to decide
  everything


• You are only a church if you have no committees and are
  deceived into believing that you have no committees


• You are only a church if you meet on Sunday Morning at 11:00
  am (even though none of the congregants are farmers)


• You are only a church if you meet at 1:07 on Sunday Afternoon
  (even though none of the congregants are farmers)


• You are only a church if you have a cross on the back wall
  (all varnished and shinny)


• You are only a church if you have no cross (we don't worship a
  piece of wood)


• You are only a church if your preacher wears uncomfortable
  clothes (robes, collars, etc.)


• You are only a church if your preacher wears comfortable
  clothes (but still looks like a slob)


• You are only a church if your preacher preaches homilies that
  are predetermined by a lexionary reading


• You are only a church if your preacher has burned his homilies
  and speaks from his heart (usually he is piping out what he thinks is "holy air" but is in fact "hot air")
• You are only a church if you have teaching


• Your are only a church if you have sharing and think that you
  are not teaching when you are teaching sharing


• You are only a church if you pay your pastor as small of a
  salary as you can so he can suffer with Jesus


• You are only a church if you pay your pastor a large salary so
  he can hob-knob with the social elite


• You are only a church if you have a Sunday School and Adult
  Education program


• You are only a church if you have discarded SS and AE in favor
  of "Spirit" led education which often ends up being no education


• You are only a church if you repeat the creeds


• You are only a church if you can forget the creeds


• You are only a church if your doctrine is correct


• You are only a church if you don't know what doctrine is


• You are only a church if you have rednecks


• You are only a church if you have white necks or any other
  color necks


• You are only a church if you come in the front door of the
  church and are immediately in the back of the sanctuary (why is that?)


• You are only a church if you have many doors to get into the
  church sanctuary (but you are still in the back when you enter from the
  front)


• You are only a church if you set quietly and respectively


• You are only a church if you can raise your hands and
  voices


• You are only a church if you just listen and experience the
  sermon


• You are only a church if you can take notes to put in your
  binder to stick away and never remember where you put it


• You are only a church if you believe


• You are only a church if you follow


• You are only a church if you have a prestigious preachers
  persuading people to put money into the plate


• You are only a church if you have thrown the prestigious
  preachers who are persuading people and the plate out in favor of a box at the back of
  the meeting place that is big enough to trip over on the way out


• You are only a church if you feed the poor


• You are only a church if you and your congregation are
  poor


• You are only a church if you have social justice
  ministries


• You are only a church if you have spiritual ministries


• You are only a church if you follow the Christendom church
  model


• You are only a church if you if you break form the Christendom
  model


• You are only a church if you have regular a worship service


• You are only a church if you have alt-worship


• Your are only a church if you are attractional


• You are only a church if you are incarnational


• You are only a church if you...